nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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