Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
