I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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