i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
