Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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