i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
