What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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