ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
