I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
