Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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