I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
