I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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