I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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