i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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