Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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