alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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