mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
