We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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