The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
