Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
