It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
