i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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