that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
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I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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