Your tits are I can't wait for
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
