I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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