Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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