Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
