I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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