I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i now understand why vodka
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
