Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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