Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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