bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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