I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
