Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize
