I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
