Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm at about main and main street
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
