I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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