I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
