You can't motorboat a personality
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im holly from the hills drunk
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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