They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
