OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
