Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
