Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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