So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
