oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
