i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
