my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
