i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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