Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
