No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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