don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
