why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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