He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
