It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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