They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
