Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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