So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
