Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
