remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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