So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
