First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
