I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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