gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
