Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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