I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
