I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
