How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
