So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
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handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
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WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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