Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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