When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You left your phone here
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