so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sober January is a disaster.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
